Where to start, where to start…
Well, it has been one month and three days since my mother died (March 21). I tell you, it has been the longest month of my life. The days just drag, everything takes such a long time to happen.
I guess I should give you a little background. My mum’s death was not unexpected. In November of 2005 she was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease (or ALS). After the diagnosis however, we realised that she’d been experiencing the symptoms for a much greater period of time. There’s no prognosis with MND, it’s never the same with any two sufferers. Generally, though, 2 - 4 years after diagnosis is the norm. I won’t go into the details of the disease, you can read up on it yourself if you like, but just know this; I would not wish it upon my worst enemy (if I had one).
I was in Australia when I learnt that mum had really taken a turn for the worse. I had moved to Sydney in February to live and work with my older brother (Though that’s another story in itself). So I arranged to fly home the next day, hoping to catch mum before she died. I arrived back at the Auckland airport at 11:30pm on the night of the 21st, where an amazing friend had driven up to get me. Oh, I forgot to mention the fact that my suitcase didn’t turn up. That was just a completely unnecessary burden, and yet, I wasn’t surprised. It never just rains, it pours, right? But I got it back the next day, so all is okay. Anyway, I arrived back home at about 3am on the Saturday morning. I wento to bed, and slept for a couple of hours, then dad woke me the next morning to say that mum had actually died the night before, just after 10pm. I was in shock. I didn’t really take it in when he told me. It was as if he’d said something like “breakfast is ready”. It was a weird, weird time. I couldn’t believe how quickly it had happened. She’d died within 48 hours of going out to the hospice.
I don’t really feel like talking about that anymore just now, so maybe I’ll leave the funeral and so on for another blog.
Now, a month on, I’m just trying to cope with day to day life. It’s hard. I cry a lot. I feel like shit a lot. I feel alone 99% of the time. But I’ve just got to get on with it. Life won’t stop, as much as I may like it to. It carries on, and if we don’t carry on with it, we get left behind. So I’m looking for a job at the moment, which is proving to be very difficult. I haven’t even heard back from the two most recent places that I applied for. Flip. Also, I’m enrolling for university, something I swore I’d never do. I don’t think anybody is that surprised. I’m “so smart”, after all. Whatever. It will just give me something to do with my days. Okay that sounds a little negative, I truly am looking forward to it.
Until then, I’m just running the house as mum used to. Well, I’m trying. It’s just dad and I, so things are very quiet. But stuff still needs to get done, you know? Washing, ironing, vacuuming, polishing… All the stuff I used to take for granted. My mum was such a hard worker. I tell you one thing though, my husband is going to love me so much. I will be the ultimate housewife, I’ve already got years of experience behind me, and I’m not even out of my teenage years…
Anyway that’s enough for now, it’s lunch time.
Peace out kiddos.
